Perspective
I received my author’s copy of Zo’s Quest — Book One.
I’m going to take a breath, and say that again.
(Phew)
I received my author’s copy of Zo’s Quest — Book One!
It’s a pretty incredible cocktail of emotions to open up a box and see what you’ve been working on a device for years, in print that you can hold, inked on cream paper that you can flip through, and smell, and earmark…
> Holding the box, there’s excitement…
I can’t believe this is finally happening!
>> And a bit of trepidation…
I can’t believe this is finally here.
>>> Cutting through the tape, I paused and held onto some tense hesitation…
What if I hate it? What if no one reads it? What if everyone reads it? What if everyone hates it?
But folding back the cardboard and lifting the paper, seeing my first book for the first time ever —
That felt awesome!
I did it. I did that. I did this.
It has a cover (a real cover!) with cover art, and a fancy font title and my name (on the front and the spine!), and a back cover summary, and an actual legit barcode —
It’s a real book!
And it really feels ready…
But it’s not.
It’s not because now that I can hold my book in my hands, I can see it differently.
There’s something about spending years reviewing the same texts on a blue light screen that blinds you to its faults.
You lose perspective.
And now holding my book for the first time, the first thing I see is I need to reformat it for a different size. I don’t like the one I chose on my computer. It doesn’t feel the way I want it to feel in my hands. It looks like there are too many words on the pages and the text looks too small, and that’s overwhelming.
Then before I can turn to chapter 1, I see I need to edit the prologue.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my book and I’m eager to release it!
I’m not scrutinizing it for the sake of scrutiny.
It’s because I love it that I’m choosing to embrace a book-in-hand critique.
As far as I can help it, I don’t want anything to distract a reader from the story. And now that I can see it apart from blue backlight, I can see some adjustments are needed.
I can see my book differently now, and this perspective is helping me hone it.
I grew up surrounded with very strong convictions.
My experience as a kid was that we were encouraged to engage in conversations that were aligned with the opinions of the grownups in the room. Sharing a different opinion wasn’t just criticized, it was condemned. I also grew up believing that principles define you, and a change of opinion indicated hypocrisy.
I clammed up early.
Debates in my high school history class helped me understand what hypocrisy really was. Leaving home exposed me to ideas I had previously condemned. Moving across the country challenged me to evaluate my beliefs apart from my convictions. Getting married exposed my hidden expectations.
Perspective, opinion, shift, perspective, opinion, shift, again and again…
Now that I’m a parent, my opinions get filtered from the parent seat, and some of the convictions I previously rejected actually make sense now. (And many still do not.)
My opinions change and/or grow over time because life is unpredictable.
My ever-adjusting perspective continues to develop me, either upholding or evolving my opinions. My book today is not what it was when I first swyped it out in a Google doc on my phone, and when at last it’s released, it will be different than what it is right now.
And that’s okay, because in every instance they’re better.
At least I think so.
And I’ll be okay with it if you disagree, because perspective.
I’m grateful for the changes I’ve made, proud even. I’m grateful for where I am in the process of publishing my first book. Proud even.
I hope you’re grateful and proud with your present perspective. (And if you’re not, you can always change it.)